Wednesday, October 05, 2005



Only $14.5 Billion (US)

What you get:

--Xbox 360 Game Console with Thought-Dampening Brainstem Chip - Contains miniaturized fusion reactor, ensuring constant power supply regardless of buyer intent

--Wireless, Buttonless, Matterless Controller - Possibly an exotic form of anti-matter; Possibly an empty box

--High-Definition Widget (we aren't sure what it does!)

--40 TB Virtual Drive - It doesn't actually exist, though we do ask that you visualize it in your mind

--Ether, Net and Cable - We don't want to know how you use them

--Xbox Live Silverfish - They can go for up to one year without food!

--Xbox Live Working Edition 3-hour Trial (may take more than two days to complete setup)


--Shoot Things Collector's Edition

--Drive In Circles 5

--Two-player Mash Buttons Circle Jerk

--Platformer Six Years Late

--Sport 2K6

--Another Sport 2K6

--Drive In A Straight Line

--Sporty McSport 2K . . . ah, fuck it, last year's model in a new box


--Baal Omniprojector - Focuses a hi-def image on the very firmament itself, likely resulting in worldwide panic

--Extra Wireless Mind-Controller (for your family)

--Extra Wireless Mind-Controller (for your friends)

--Extra Wireless Mind-Controller (for your workmates)

--Implanted Memory Unit - We can make it seem like you took a trip to Mars, without having to leave the planet

--Impenetrable Faceplate - Seals unit in impossible-to-breach protective shell, preventing any possible shutdown

--Play & Charge Kit - You play, we charge you shitloads of money

--1-Year Replacement Plan - If at any time you are not satisfied during the first year, we will replace you with someone who will be

The inspiration.

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