Wednesday, July 20, 2005


Thank God
it finally happened.

The troglodyte morons that run this country, in conjunction with the waterheaded jackanape media rabid watchdog groups, slapped a fat old Adults Only label on GTA: San Andreas.

Of course, this doesn't bother me on a personal level. I can still waltz into any game store, pick up a copy, run down to the local newstand to grab Swank and Hustler, get a box of cigars from my tobacconist and a handle of Beam from the local booze merchant, dial up an escort service and have me a grand old time.

This bothers me
because, well, it's reactionary. The GTA games are not meant for people under 17. That's what M means.

Adults Only is meant for people 18 and over.

I hate to repeat myself, but are we really the type to go off half-cocked over the difference of one measly year?

That's not really the issue here, though. The issue is that an AO-rating, like NC-17, has an associated stigma. Many retailers won't touch it (Well, I guess we'll see if they touch it or not). People have once again used a political process to do something that could have been served better by educating other parents, boycotting the product and taking an active interest in their children's lives.

Woah, mindblowing.

Here's what happened, though.

Angry, worthless parents that apparently are too stupid to be a judge of content for themselves complained to the same old legislation-happy, censorship-lusting politicians that take the same tired bait over and over again: "Think of the children!"

What's always touted in these Congressional melees is how truly horrible we have become as a society (even though this argument is made by every fucking generation re: the current generation). Back in Tipper Gore's day, they didn't have any bad music. And even if they had, kids wouldn't have listened to it.


Like a bunch of middle-school guys in the '30s wouldn't have loved to hear Lucille Bogan belting out:

"I got nipples on my titties as big as your thumb
I got something between my legs make a dead man come."

Think of the children!

Is what used to be considered obscenity more readily-available? Very probably. But is it novel?

Much of the good old days are a result of selective blindness. If your granddaddy claims he never tried to finger his high school sweetheart, well, he's either lying or he's a preacher; Even then he's probably lying.

We never thought it prudent to protect the children from the disgusting practice of systematically killing off Native Americans. Aww, how cute, little Billy's playing Cowboys and Indians. Time to walk the Trail of Tears, Billy!

And we never thought maybe the children shouldn't be a part of bigotry and intolerance - remember segregation? After all, those are family values.

News flash. Obscenity is a human institution. People have used foul language for a long time. Maybe kids used to be a little more careful around whom they spoke, but as soon as the parents were gone it was f-this and f-that. And when the kids weren't around the adult mouths grew foul, too.

Guess what, also, precious. Censorship has been around since there was shit to censor. Ever since Ug told Urg to 'Rgg!' and Urg bashed his head open with a rock. Or I guess ever since God said 'Let there be light!' and then, after creating the serpent that would corrupt his own creation, 'Shit!' and then he killed the Serpent. Because it was obscene.

Depends on your worldview, I guess.

Woah, woah. Enough history. Enough railing. Well, on that particular topic.

Bottom line: The world never gets dirtier; It stays dirty. It's just for some reason we keep getting all these fucking uptight people.

And as for GTA. Boo-fucking-hoo. Little Jake saw titties and now he might want to possibly develop a normal sexual drive - better get the castratin' tongs.

If there's one thing I've learned about politics and media:

If you have a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger that features a prominent scene of him falsely representing himself and coercing his wife into performing a striptease, followed by countless scenes of him mercilessly killing Arabs, all wrapped up by the explosion of an atomic bomb (no doubt irradiating countless people when the fallout drifts) while Arnie laughs at his triumph . . . well, that's a family film.

And I'm proud to be an Ameri-
ah, fuck it.


Marc Majcher said...

Fuckin' A.

JamesK said...

none of the people making these decisions have ever even played this game. how could cartoon soft porn bother them more than shooting a cop in the head, it makes no sense. my friend sent me this link to the Neistat Brothers movie about the controversy. I love the Neistat Brothers, you can always count on them for seriously messed up social commentary.

Neistat Brothers GTA San Andreas Hot Coffee Movie

Israel Schuman said...

Hot shit! that movie rocks. Long live the NEISTAT BROTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!