Monday, April 24, 2006


This blog has made
a number of mistakes since its inception. I have decided to clear the record, and my conscience. The following errors have been noted, and are deeply regretted:

-A month ago, I stated that, unequivocally, Burger Time has the most advanced AI of any game to date. It should have read "any game, ever, till the end of time."

-In a post I didn't write entitled "Epistemological Ramifications of Interactive Coitus," I didn't refer to Angelina Jolie as a "Historical Imperative for proper synthesis of the virtual sexscape." I regret that I never finished the dream starring me, her and her four-armed doppelganger.

-My slashfic epic, "More Than Enemies," starring Nemesis from RE3, Baloo from Talespin, Johnny 5 from Short Circuit and Barrett from FFVII, will not be released in a twelve-volume edition from Time Life Books, as reported by the Washington Post. It will come in serialized novella form in repacked boxes of Frankenberry cereal.

-I did not, in fact, "crack the story" on the PS3's built-in cappucino machine. My sincere condolences to the families harmed by this false information. Your loved ones will be missed.

-Nintendo Power never printed my letter discussing Birdo's clear method of reproduction, and how that factors into his/her method of copulation.

-Calling McFarlane's Evil Prophecy "The Videogame Citizen Kane" might have been a bit of an overstatement. It has more in common with The Graduate.

-C++ cannot be used by a skilled houngan to summon a loa. However, using it in conjunction with OO practices can help a budding Gnostic travel in the astral realm.

-I once, while drunk, called Shigeru Miyamoto a "talentless, bobble-headed shitstain hack." I thought I was talking to Hideo Kojima.

-In November 2005 I stated that Will Wright's new game would open the gates of destruction and herald the Apocalypse. This is untrue. The sequel to his new game will herald the Apocalypse, sometime around 2010.

-I compiled a list of nonexistent errors. I'm sorry if you read this far.


Chris said...

"-C++ cannot be used by a skilled houngan to summon a loa. However, using it in conjunction with OO practices can help a budding Gnostic travel in the astral realm."

I think you are mistaken! A skilled houngan can probably manifest a loa with any tool. And Gnostics do not practice astral projection.

I feel it vitally important to correct this, given the special effort you have made to maintain the accuracy of your blog. :-D

Johnny Pi said...

Far be it from me to introduce even more errors into this blog.

However, it is well known that houngans refuse to use anything but Assembly.

And for some reason, the kooks over at claim not only to be gnostics, but also to practice astral travel. I'm afraid your beef is with them.

Patrick Dugan said...

I think Birdo's transexuality and criticism of the game design Kage's is both right and true. Game AI has been in a sorry state hasn't it? I mean, you'd think we'd outgrow FSMs 8 to 10 years ago. But theres definetly room for improvment, I'm particularly interested in evolutionary algorithms as a tool for content creation.

Will said...

I believe we need more games that follow "present tense verb, past tense verb" title format like Dig Dug.

Run, Ran.

Fight, Fought.

Hug, Hugged.