Webslinging

I wanted to write a nice, long review praising Ultimate Spider-Man.

Instead, here's the breakdown: Looks great. Controls can be tricky yet exhilarating. Together, they capture the feeling of being Spider-Man a million times better than the last game. Bad news is they didn't fix the shittiness of the "do a certain number of repetitive missions before advancing the storyline" method of the last game.

Oh, and here's a little advice: A wide open city with only about four different things to do is, well, boring. How about at least having some branching missions? Or small alternate storylines? Maybe a "What-If?" level?

The very bad thing -- the boss, Electro. You have to chase him through the city. As Venom. Venom's controls do not lend themselves to the type of precise jumping and following that the mission demands. The only advice for getting through this part on Gamefaqs referred to the fact that the author spent about an hour on the level and then could get through it "just fine."

This is, how do I put it . . . bullshit. Complete bullshit.

No, I didn't like the follow missions in the first game. OR the second game. Who the fuck did? Show yourselves! Which of you shitbags said, "Hey, the best part of the Spider-Man games were the no-margin-for-error repeat-until-you-go-insane chase missions!"

How about this -- how about a game comes out with a trail-the-enemy mission that doesn't rely on a stupid fucking distance meter? How about you allow some margin for error, let the player lose sight of the enemy and have to rely on following their damage trail, or asking a citizen for a rough direction?

No. I was prepared to go on and give my wishlist for the next Spider-Man game, but that's not my job.

I will say -- Treyarch, you almost got it. Almost. Hope they give you another chance.

And I am available as a freelance consultant.